Sweet Dreams - March 1st

I have been affording much consideration to my curious lack of romantic opportinuities as I travel. (Of course, I repeat again my clear and irrevocable commitment to chastity while I travel). After much thought I put it down to Lycra.

To picture my current appearance imagine four sticks of licorice stuck to a Pontefract cake, perhaps with a pink Licorice All Sort on top for a head. Now for the ´piece de resistance´. I have started to wear my money pouch down the front of my cycling pants, to protect my valuables. This gives a protrusion of which Chris Akabussi would be proud, even if a bit lumpy.

It all goes to explain why I get sympathetic looks as I walk down the high street of small German towns. It does nothing for ones ego. But Licorice Boy must carry on. There must be someone out there who finds me attractive. Where are you Jelly Baby Girl?