Take the First Train to Ralja

I'd forgotten what it was like to travel in a country where you cannot understand the language, where you haven't pre-booked the transport and they don't use the same written alphabet. To be honest, I don't think that I ever knew.

Add to that the "don't ask me, I just work here" officialdom and it tends to go something like this:

Go to Ticket Window 15. "I would like to go to Ralja, please", pointing to map
"OK". Writes down 10.25 and shows it to me.
"And take my bike".
"Oh". Discusses with colleague. They agree: "Maybe no bike. Ask Conductor".
"Which platform?"
"Ask Information." So I do.
"Normally #9." I go to Platform #9.
"Hello" to official conductor-looking person. "Does this train go to Ralja?"
"No, stays here. Ask office #5."
"Hello" to office #5, entitled International Ticket Reservations.  I want to go to Ralja with my bike."
Nice lady makes phone call. "Please buy ticket from Window 14 or 15, costs 125. Pay conductor 5 for bike. No special carriage"
"Thank you"
At Window 15. "Ticket to Ralja, please" Pointing to map.
Lady types 125 on calculator and shows it to me.
Pay and get ticket. Go to Platform #9.
Kind gentleman asks where I am going.
Say "Ralja" and show ticket.
"Train leaves from here" pointing to adjacent Platform 8.
"Thank you".
I undo all panniers from the bike so that it will fit on the train when it comes. Look up to see that platform is now empty.
Kind gentleman gesticulating from afar to go to Platform 10.
"Thank you again". Struggle with bike and panniers to Platform 10.
Ask conductor looking person whether OK with bike.
"Go to First"
"That's nice, First Class. Then realise that he means first carriage way down at end of platform.
Struggle to end and heave bike up to shoulder height onto train. Throw panniers and myself in afterwards.
Sit down.
Train leaves dead on time.
Conductor checks my ticket.
"And my bike", I say.
"Bikes not permitted on this train" he says, then winks